The third area of learning is about attitudes. Some attention will be given to attitudes in the Basic and Intermediate Training, however in the Advanced Training this becomes the main topic.
The most fundamental way in which we help our clients is that our resources, strength, and attitudes are often transferred to the client, not because of our interventions, but because of our state of consciousness. This is the most important part of understanding the Systemic View, and of understanding fields of consciousness. And this is what attitudes are about.
Like some of the skills, an attitude is the expression of internalized and digested life experience. However, an attitude is not the ability to do something. It is rather a state of being, an inner state of our consciousness, that we sometimes attain, but often it eludes us. For example, we may learn to bring ourselves in a state of being nonjudgmental when we start to work with a client. However, we most likely cannot become a person who is nonjudgmental in any life situation. That would be an illusion.
So we can say that an attitude is a state of mind that we may be able to bring ourselves in, when we work with a client.
Some important attitudes that deepen ourselves as facilitators/therapists are:
- Moving out of your comfort zone
- Being in contact with our inner resources
- Reintegrating aspects of our being that we lost
- Saying yes to reality
- Being mild to ourselves and compassionate to others
- Being nonjudgmental
- Being neutral
- Becoming real
- Finding hope
- Finding inner freedom
- Taking responsibility
- The movement of the spirit
One cannot acquire one of these attitudes without acquiring the others. They are all inter-woven and grow together through your experience.
The training cannot teach you to adopt these attitudes. But we can teach the understanding of what such an attitude demands of us, and what the positive effect of such an attitude may be on the client. The trainers will help the students to embody these attitudes. For example, if a student has great difficulty to accept reality, to accept that the world is as it is, then the trainers may do individual constellation work with the student to help him/her understand and embody that attitude. Any such work would be beneficial for all students.
Family constellations cannot always help clients
When we work with people, we can only bring our knowledge, skills and attitudes and our best intentions. But even with our best skills and and after having honed our attitudes through a life time of experiences, constellations still do not always help the client. Even when the facilitator believed that a constellation reached great depth, the client may say it meant nothing. And even when the client was impressed by the depth of the work, it might not change anything in their life. We never know whether a constellation will have a positive effect. Also the trainers have not been able to discover any pattern between the depth of the constellation and its effect. So in every work we put our skills at the service of a client without knowing whether it will help, and without expecting or needing success.