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For example, if we had a dominating parent, then at the slightest appearance of our partner being dominating, we get triggered in an automatic defense pattern and begin to attack our partner. Then we do not see our partner anymore like he is, but we only see the pattern of the object relation. Recognizing our object relations and our trigger patterns is an important step toward communication that is not hindered by the distorted perceptions.
When a child is separated from the mother for some time in early childhood (for
example because child or mother had to stay in hospital), then it may develop a pattern later in life, known as "the interrupted reach-out movement". When a child is separated from mother for too long, first it will cry for mother for a long time. But at a certain point the child gives up. Mother will not come. If at some time later the mother is there again, the child does not believe any more that the mother can be trusted to be there for him. The child will stop reaching out for mother.
Later in life this person will have difficulties in establishing intimate relationships. He longs for intimacy, so he or she will move closer to a partner. More ...